How to End a Relationship without Being Cruel

As a song goes, there is no easy way to break somebody’s heart. Without a second thought, breakups really suck. But how we put an ending to this not-so-happy ending is very crucial not only to our soon-to-be ex’s healing but ours, too. We can make separation a little less cruel by mustering cordiality and right attitude towards the person we are cutting ties with. If the approach is done right, the emotional injuries we caused and experienced will likely heal faster and feel lighter.


1.       Have a face-to-face conversation

No matter how difficult it can be, you have to master the guts and be prepared to start that awkward “we need to end this” conversation with your partner. Although social media has made our lives so much easier, you owe it to your partner to (wo)man up the discomfort in person and show some humanly respect.

As you do this, make sure to come up with few things that will help your partner get a good understanding of how you were able to come up with such decision. You have to have a firm sense of what it is that makes you feel resentful, what you are in search for but also what was great about the relationship and your partner. Trying to highlight the good things from the past and admitting your part in the breakup can help prevent your partner from being hard on you.

2.       Empathize with the pain

The breakup itself is going to be hard for both of you and it would not hurt if you add some emotional empathy or validation. Be tactful when you utter the lines, “I understand this is hard,” “I know where you are coming from,” “I feel bad that we reached this point.” These all confirms an honest discussion of what you truly feel without pointing a finger to your partner. You communicate that what you are doing is never easy and that you just have to do it now to save both of you from a greater pain in the long term.


3.       End it with clarity

If there is one sure-fire thing that should be communicated about the breakup then it is clarity. This means that you should commit to an end. No looking back. At times, breakups become ambiguous because choice of words and takeaways do not clarify whether the relationship is truly over temporarily or for good. This on and off the relationship mentality can cause more disappointment with your love life and hamper you from truly moving on.

Again, breakups are by no means a piece of cake and ruining its manner of ending is even worse. Science has confirmed that getting dumped is one of the most painful human feelings, ever—it’s a strong rejection. But you have the power to mitigate how you split the tie and make it less traumatic for both of you.


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